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Ugh today

So today I feel really down, and low. I figures out why I am down and why I am stressed eating. Lately my parents have been having some problems with their marriage and are in counseling together.  I mean that’s good they are trying to work their problems but they just don’t seem happy. Maybe I am totally wrong but its hard at home right now. And it another main reason why I am sad cause I have no friends to get out with. I would love to go and hang out with my friends, if I had anyone to hang out with.  Its really lonely with no friends. Also I don’t have my drivers license and I am 17. I had an anxiety attack while taking so to say the least,  I failed. But the top main reason why I am sad is cause of my past. I was in an abusive relationship for about 2 years. I am still working through that, I lost all my confidence after that.  While I was in that relationship I got diagnosed with mental illness, major depression and anxiety. I also got put in a mental hospital 4 times in the course of 3 years.  I got put there for suicidal thoughts, attempts, and attempting to cut.  I never cut myself but I did lots of other forms of self harm. My life was hell for 3 years. Currently I am recovering but its so damn hard right now. Living with mental illness everyday is a challenge in its self,  but adding trying to heal from the abusive relationship I was in. Makes it ten times worse. I feel so sad and I am scared that’s I’m getting down again. I have been recovering for 6 months and don’t want to relapse. I feel like such a mess. I am still trying to get my confidence back but summer is really tough.  Cause I hate wearing swim suits. Ugh I hate it. 

But I am on my way to go rollar skating with my mom, sister, and one of mom’s friends family. So I will do my best to have fun.  I will forget my problems and have a good time💗

Wish me luck!

Bye babe! ❤️

-Renae☀️

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