Forgiveness issues

I have reading this amazing article on forgiveness and realized that I haven’t forgiven the ex boyfriend who abused me. I still have so much bitterness, pain, sorrow, and anger in my heart. It’s really hard to forgive someone who abused you emotional, physically, and sexually. When I told my parents it was a year after he abused me so there was no proof that he did abuse me. I feel I never got my Justice I decided. But when I got the ladies who deal with stuff like this, the details were very fuzzy. Because I was very suidical and depressed, and to this day the details are still fuzzy. I remember more now than I ever had before, but it’s still very few clues. When I told my mom how he abused me but I choose to stay with him, she didn’t understand why I stayed. Honestly I don’t even understand fully why I stay. All I know is I haven’t in my right mind I was suidical, very depressed, being abused, in mediated, and not telling anyone about any of it. Now that I am in my right mind, I know I should have left. I really did love him thou, no matter how many times he hit me, yelled stuff at me like “you worthless piece of shit!” “You crazy insane bitch” , fat, ugly, the list goes on and on. All I know I need to stop being bitter and start forgiving. Yeah he never asked for forgiveness, and sure he doesn’t deserve it. But I am not forgiving him for him, I am going to forgive him for my peace of mind. I tired of being anger, sad, bitter, and in pain about what he did to me. And when I do forgive that pain won’t magical go away, cause he gave me scars, on the inside and out. I just want to let go of my past and move forward. I can never do that if I don’t forgive him. So I am going to start writing and bloging more about my past. Because I feel ashamed about my past but my past is just the past. It has shaped me into the person I am today. So I am done with never talking, hiding my feelings, and feeling awful about my past. It’s time to talk about it, let go, forgive, and move on!!
So you will see more posts about my past, so stayed tuned to see my journey through recovery and healing!💗

Have an amazing night everyone!

Love you lots!💜