Daily life

I’m not okay

Hey everyone❤️ happy Sunday! I hope you are doing well. Here’s an update on me:

Mentally:

I am not doing so good mentally. I started therapy Thursday and I wrote a lot about my anger about having fibromyalgia. I have been feeling lots of feelings about how I feel towards my diagnosis of fibro. I have just been feeling really depressed and down. But I have been writing a lot about my feelings so that is good. This week I have just felt really down so it’s been hard. But today I feel a little bit better so I am going to enjoy feeling better today❤️ I know I am still depressed but I am making it. It’s been really rough and but I am hanging in there💜

Physically:

I have been in SOO much pain from fibromyalgia. It’s been exhausting and frustrating how much pain I have been in. I have been wearing my tens unit pretty much all day everyday. My pain has been very bad and when my pain is bad it makes me feel much more depressed. It’s been bad but I am making it. Everyday I get up and do things despite feeling depressed and in pain❤️

I wrote a poem about how I have been feeling:

How am I supposed to be okay

How am I supposed to be okay,

With tears running down my face.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When my back feels like it’s on fire.

How am I supposed to be okay,

With the fact that I am in constant chronic pain,

From fibromyalgia.

How am I supposed to,

Praise God,

And be thankful,

That I am still in unbearable pain.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I can’t sleep at night.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I have to talk about the abuse I went through.

How my ex boyfriend:

Beat me,

Slapped me,

Screamed at me,

And touched me.

How am I supposed to be okay with that?

How am I supposed to make peace with the abuse.

How am I supposed to be okay,

 When his new girlfriend goes to my school,

And is in my writing group.

How is that okay?

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I still feel depressed.

How am I supposed to be okay with,

 The fact that I will never be pain free,

From fibromyalgia.

How I am supposed to be okay,

That mental illnesses,

And chronic pain,

Destroyed my life.

How is it okay for a young girl to have:

Bipolar,

Anxiety,

Social anxiety,

Depression, 

And fibromyalgia.

How can I praise God,

When all I can think about is what He took from me.

He took my mental state,

At the young age of thirteen.

He took my health by being diagnosed with fibromyalgia,

At nineteen.

Now I am twenty-one,

And still not fucking okay.

I’m not okay.

I don’t know if I ever will be.

So tell me God:

How am I supposed to be okay,

With everything!?!?

How am I supposed to be okay.

**

I am not okay right now. But I am just going to keep going, no matter what❤️

You keep going to babe❤️

Thank you for reading!❤️ I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

1 thought on “I’m not okay”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s