Daily life

I’m not okay

Hey everyone❤️ happy Sunday! I hope you are doing well. Here’s an update on me:

Mentally:

I am not doing so good mentally. I started therapy Thursday and I wrote a lot about my anger about having fibromyalgia. I have been feeling lots of feelings about how I feel towards my diagnosis of fibro. I have just been feeling really depressed and down. But I have been writing a lot about my feelings so that is good. This week I have just felt really down so it’s been hard. But today I feel a little bit better so I am going to enjoy feeling better today❤️ I know I am still depressed but I am making it. It’s been really rough and but I am hanging in there💜

Physically:

I have been in SOO much pain from fibromyalgia. It’s been exhausting and frustrating how much pain I have been in. I have been wearing my tens unit pretty much all day everyday. My pain has been very bad and when my pain is bad it makes me feel much more depressed. It’s been bad but I am making it. Everyday I get up and do things despite feeling depressed and in pain❤️

I wrote a poem about how I have been feeling:

How am I supposed to be okay

How am I supposed to be okay,

With tears running down my face.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When my back feels like it’s on fire.

How am I supposed to be okay,

With the fact that I am in constant chronic pain,

From fibromyalgia.

How am I supposed to,

Praise God,

And be thankful,

That I am still in unbearable pain.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I can’t sleep at night.

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I have to talk about the abuse I went through.

How my ex boyfriend:

Beat me,

Slapped me,

Screamed at me,

And touched me.

How am I supposed to be okay with that?

How am I supposed to make peace with the abuse.

How am I supposed to be okay,

 When his new girlfriend goes to my school,

And is in my writing group.

How is that okay?

How am I supposed to be okay,

When I still feel depressed.

How am I supposed to be okay with,

 The fact that I will never be pain free,

From fibromyalgia.

How I am supposed to be okay,

That mental illnesses,

And chronic pain,

Destroyed my life.

How is it okay for a young girl to have:

Bipolar,

Anxiety,

Social anxiety,

Depression, 

And fibromyalgia.

How can I praise God,

When all I can think about is what He took from me.

He took my mental state,

At the young age of thirteen.

He took my health by being diagnosed with fibromyalgia,

At nineteen.

Now I am twenty-one,

And still not fucking okay.

I’m not okay.

I don’t know if I ever will be.

So tell me God:

How am I supposed to be okay,

With everything!?!?

How am I supposed to be okay.

**

I am not okay right now. But I am just going to keep going, no matter what❤️

You keep going to babe❤️

Thank you for reading!❤️ I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

Making process❤️

Hey everyone! I hope you are doing good, here is an update on me:

Physically: I have been having lots of stomach issues but thankfully my stomach issues are better. I had a colonoscopy this week that came back normal so that is really good! My pain from fibromyalgia has been really bad. Everyday I hurt really bad from fibromyalgia. I have been having to wear my tens unit basically all the time. So I am still struggling with fibromyalgia but I am making it. I still go to school everyday and do my homework. Currently I have all B’s in my classes so I am happy about that❤️

Mentally:

I am doing much better! My depression and anxiety has gotten better. Now I just get down and depressed at night. So that’s huge and I am really happy about that!❤️ I started seeing my new therapist this week and I feel really hopeful that I am going to continue to do good mentally❤️

All and all I am making process! I am hanging in there and doing much better mentally so I am proud and happy about that❤️ I still struggling with fibromyalgia but I am making it❤️

I am taking it one day at a time❤️

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have an amazing week and I will update you guys again next week! I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

***

❤️💖💜LINKS💜💖❤️

You can always find me on social media:

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❤️❤️❤️❤️

Daily life

Happy world mental health day!❤️

Happy world mental health day everyone!❤️ #worldmaternalmentalhealthday

When I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and bipolar, I thought my life was over. Turns out my life had just began. Even though living with any mental illness is hell. I have had to fight like hell since I was diagnosed nine years ago. I am proud to say that even through all the depression, suicidal thoughts, mental hospital stays, and ECT treatments, I am glad that I am here today❤️ even though currently I am depressed, I am still glad I am here💖

If you are struggling with any mental illness, my advise to you: get help and keep going. Get help by seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, and talking to the people you love and trust. Keep going even when you want to end it all. I have wanted to end it all so many times but I am SOO glad I didn’t. It will get better. Then years later you will look back and be proud you stayed. So keep going. Keep fighting. I am proud of you. I love you❤️💜💜💖 #depressionhelp #bipolarawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthtips #anxietyrelief #keepgoing #nevergiveup

❤️💖💜LINKS💜💖❤️

You can always find me on social media:

Twitter:

https://mobile.twitter.com/catythewriter

Facebook

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Instagram

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Wattpad:

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Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/catythewriter

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCAL7cWnqejwH4YBSvexldw

Jesus Saves Ministry On Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-saves-ministry/id1465257311

Jesus Saves Ministry On Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/0qur0VdIoYSCdmLndTljxw

Jesus Saves Ministry On Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9iODQwYjM4L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

My book on Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/47322206

Find me on Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/19392697.Caty_Lyle

My book: “Jesus Saves-Daily Devotions” on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1645692086

My book: “Jesus Saves-Daily Devotions” on Barnes and Noble

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/jesus-saves-daily-devotions-caty-lyle/1132516530?ean=9781645692089

Sign up for our mailing list to keep in touch:

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***

Thank you for reading! I will post again for an update on me on Sunday! I love you all! ❤️💜💖

-xoxo Caty❤️💜💖

Daily life

Getting some help

Hey everyone❤️ I hope you are doing good❤️

Here’s an update on me:

Physically:

I have been in a lot of pain due to fibromyalgia this week. But today my back is better. I am having a colonoscopy tomorrow so please send good thoughts and/or prayers my way. I could use some good news❤️

Mentally:

I am very depressed. I am seeing a new therapist because my old therapist left the state so this week I met a new therapist and I really like him. I am starting to see him next week because I really need the help. My anxiety and depression levels have been really high and it’s time to get some help. I have also been remembering what my abusive boyfriend did to me. So I need to work through my past. I feel hopefully that therapy will really help. I feel more hope today❤️

***

Thank you so much for reading!

❤️💖💜LINKS💜💖❤️

You can always find me on social media:

Twitter:

https://mobile.twitter.com/catythewriter

Facebook

https://m.facebook.com/catyloveswriting/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/catythewriter/

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/catyloveswriting

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/catythewriter

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCAL7cWnqejwH4YBSvexldw

Jesus Saves Ministry On Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-saves-ministry/id1465257311

Jesus Saves Ministry On Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/0qur0VdIoYSCdmLndTljxw

Jesus Saves Ministry On Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9iODQwYjM4L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

My book on Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/47322206

Find me on Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/19392697.Caty_Lyle

My book: “Jesus Saves-Daily Devotions” on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1645692086

My book: “Jesus Saves-Daily Devotions” on Barnes and Noble

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/jesus-saves-daily-devotions-caty-lyle/1132516530?ean=9781645692089

Sign up for our mailing list to keep in touch: http://eepurl.com/grsI6z

***

I hope you have a blessed day and I will see you guys again next week! I love you all!❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

The dark cloud over my head

Hey everyone!❤️

I hope you are doing good. I hope you have had a good weekend. Here’s an update on me and I am sharing with you a poem I wrote:

Mentally:

I’m very depressed and anxious. I have a lot of mood swings. Sometimes I am okay but then at night I get very depressed. I am messaging my doctor so hopefully he can help me but I know it’s just chemical depression which has to be treated by medicine. I am not okay.

Physically:

My fibromyalgia pain is killing me since I go to school every day. On the weekends I just feel so burned out and in pain. I am also having some stomach issues and I am having a colonoscopy in a few weeks. So yeah not doing that good.

So here’s my poem:

Stop telling me to be fine

I should be fine.

I should be happy.

I should not hurt.

I should not have fibromyalgia.

I should not be in pain every minute of everyday.

I’m not fine.

I’m not happy.

I’m hurting.

I have fibromyalgia.

I am in pain all day everyday.

I’m depressed.

I can’t stop being depressed,

Because believe me,

I’ve tried.

I can’t escape this sadness.

It’s a dark cloud over my head.

Sometimes I may be okay.

But at other times,

The cloud rains and thunderstorms.

Everywhere I go,

The dark cloud follows me.

Every night, the cloud rains and rains.

I can’t get the cloud to stop raining.

I can’t seem to stop being depressed.

I try to be fine.

I try to smile.

I try to look alright.

But that’s a lie.

I can’t always hide,

What’s on the inside.

On the inside,

I’m not okay.

I’m not alright.

Because no matter how hard I try,

I can’t stop feeling depressed.

Doesn’t matter how hard I try,

I’m always depressed at night.

It’s never ending.

So I’m not okay.

I’m not alright.

So please,

Stop telling me to be fine.

***

Thank you so much for reading! I am sorry if this post was really depressing I am just really struggling❤️

I love you all and I will post again next week!❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

I’m not okay and that’s okay

Hey everyone❤️

Here’s an update on on me:

Physically:

Fibromyalgia is killing me. I have been in so much pain. I have still gone to school and done my homework but it’s been rough. On top of that, I am having stomach issues. I will probably have to have a colonoscopy. I have had blood work done, I am having to do an x-Ray next week. I see my GI doctor next week to see if he wants me to do a colonoscopy. So that’s been stressful. My stomach and back are hurting.

Mentally:

I am stressed, down, overwhelmed, sad, exhausted, and maybe depressed. I am stressed and overwhelmed with my health being so bad. I just feel really down every night. I don’t know if I am down due to my health being bad or if I am depressed.

Hopefully next week I will get some answers about my stomach problems.

Till then I am just hanging in there❤️

It’s been rough. I’m exhausted but I will keep going💜

It’s okay not to be okay and right now I am not okay but that’s okay❤️

I will keep going and you keep going to babe💖

***

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***

I love you all❤️

Thank you for reading❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

Hanging in there

Hey everyone❤️

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. Here’s an update on me:

Physically:

Honestly not so good. I have been in a lot of back pain from fibromyalgia. Everyday I hurt and it’s exhausting. I have still been going to school everyday and doing my homework but I am always in pain. It’s been better till this week. This week has been rough. I have been making it but it’s been rough.

Mentally:

I still feel down due to being in so much physical pain but I don’t think I am depressed. So yay!💜 but my anxiety has been really bad. I feel so anxious all the time and it’s been keeping me up at night. I messaged my doctor so hopefully that will help.

This week has been rough but hopefully next week will be better💖

Despite my struggles I am still hanging in there. You hang in there to❤️

Keep going, I believe in you❤️💜💖

***

I have been updating on my YouTube channel called Jesus Saves Ministry. I update every Friday and last Friday’s Video was about what to do when you are struggling with depression.

Here’s the link to my channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCAL7cWnqejwH4YBSvexldw

Here’s the link to last week’s video:

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***

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a wonderful day!❤️

I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty💜💜💗❤️