Daily life

The dark cloud over my head

Hey everyone!❤️

I hope you are doing good. I hope you have had a good weekend. Here’s an update on me and I am sharing with you a poem I wrote:

Mentally:

I’m very depressed and anxious. I have a lot of mood swings. Sometimes I am okay but then at night I get very depressed. I am messaging my doctor so hopefully he can help me but I know it’s just chemical depression which has to be treated by medicine. I am not okay.

Physically:

My fibromyalgia pain is killing me since I go to school every day. On the weekends I just feel so burned out and in pain. I am also having some stomach issues and I am having a colonoscopy in a few weeks. So yeah not doing that good.

So here’s my poem:

Stop telling me to be fine

I should be fine.

I should be happy.

I should not hurt.

I should not have fibromyalgia.

I should not be in pain every minute of everyday.

I’m not fine.

I’m not happy.

I’m hurting.

I have fibromyalgia.

I am in pain all day everyday.

I’m depressed.

I can’t stop being depressed,

Because believe me,

I’ve tried.

I can’t escape this sadness.

It’s a dark cloud over my head.

Sometimes I may be okay.

But at other times,

The cloud rains and thunderstorms.

Everywhere I go,

The dark cloud follows me.

Every night, the cloud rains and rains.

I can’t get the cloud to stop raining.

I can’t seem to stop being depressed.

I try to be fine.

I try to smile.

I try to look alright.

But that’s a lie.

I can’t always hide,

What’s on the inside.

On the inside,

I’m not okay.

I’m not alright.

Because no matter how hard I try,

I can’t stop feeling depressed.

Doesn’t matter how hard I try,

I’m always depressed at night.

It’s never ending.

So I’m not okay.

I’m not alright.

So please,

Stop telling me to be fine.

***

Thank you so much for reading! I am sorry if this post was really depressing I am just really struggling❤️

I love you all and I will post again next week!❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

I’m not okay and that’s okay

Hey everyone❤️

Here’s an update on on me:

Physically:

Fibromyalgia is killing me. I have been in so much pain. I have still gone to school and done my homework but it’s been rough. On top of that, I am having stomach issues. I will probably have to have a colonoscopy. I have had blood work done, I am having to do an x-Ray next week. I see my GI doctor next week to see if he wants me to do a colonoscopy. So that’s been stressful. My stomach and back are hurting.

Mentally:

I am stressed, down, overwhelmed, sad, exhausted, and maybe depressed. I am stressed and overwhelmed with my health being so bad. I just feel really down every night. I don’t know if I am down due to my health being bad or if I am depressed.

Hopefully next week I will get some answers about my stomach problems.

Till then I am just hanging in there❤️

It’s been rough. I’m exhausted but I will keep going💜

It’s okay not to be okay and right now I am not okay but that’s okay❤️

I will keep going and you keep going to babe💖

***

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Or just comment below your email!❤️

***

I love you all❤️

Thank you for reading❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

Hanging in there

Hey everyone❤️

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. Here’s an update on me:

Physically:

Honestly not so good. I have been in a lot of back pain from fibromyalgia. Everyday I hurt and it’s exhausting. I have still been going to school everyday and doing my homework but I am always in pain. It’s been better till this week. This week has been rough. I have been making it but it’s been rough.

Mentally:

I still feel down due to being in so much physical pain but I don’t think I am depressed. So yay!💜 but my anxiety has been really bad. I feel so anxious all the time and it’s been keeping me up at night. I messaged my doctor so hopefully that will help.

This week has been rough but hopefully next week will be better💖

Despite my struggles I am still hanging in there. You hang in there to❤️

Keep going, I believe in you❤️💜💖

***

I have been updating on my YouTube channel called Jesus Saves Ministry. I update every Friday and last Friday’s Video was about what to do when you are struggling with depression.

Here’s the link to my channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCAL7cWnqejwH4YBSvexldw

Here’s the link to last week’s video:

Want weekly emails of daily Devotionals, prayers, encouragement, and positivity sent to your email? Sign up for my email list!

Here’s the link to sign up:

http://eepurl.com/grsI6z

***

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a wonderful day!❤️

I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty💜💜💗❤️

Daily life

A question for all of you!

Hey guys so my question for you is: would you guys be okay if I made this blog more than just my recovery blog? Like I would post my Christian Devotionals. I would just make this blog my author website. I would still update about me but I would also focus on other things. Would you guys be okay with that? Comment below your opinion!❤️ I want to hear for you guys before I make any changes!❤️

By the way I am doing really good💜

The reason why I want to make these changes is because I feel I want to talk more other things than just talk about my mental and physical health. I am more than my illnesses and I want to share that with all of you!💗💕💖

Thank you so much for reading!

Be sure to comment below!❤️

I love you all❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

Doing better❤️

Hey everyone❤️

So it’s the weekend and I made it through another whole week of school! So far school is going really good. I never thought I could get up and go to school everyday but so far I am doing pretty good at it💜

Here’s the update on me:

Mentally:

I am doing better💗 I have started taking another medicine on Friday and I can already see a different in my mood. Since Friday I haven’t felt depressed. I have been in a good mood😊 so far this medicine is helping and hopefully my mood will just continue to get better and better💜

Physically:

I am still not pain free from fibromyalgia. I am better but not cured. I have pain but it’s honestly not as bad as it used to be. My pain from fibromyalgia has improved. So I can’t complain. I do have my bad days of course. But my pain is manageable and I love it❤️

Honestly I am doing better and I have been feeling pretty happy😊

I enjoy doing school. In my free time I write Christian Devotionals on Wattpad. Here’s the link:. https://www.wattpad.com/user/catyloveswriting

I also host my podcast: “Jesus Saves Ministry Podcast.” Here are the links:

Jesus Saves Ministry On Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-saves-ministry/id1465257311

Jesus Saves Ministry On Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/0qur0VdIoYSCdmLndTljxw

Jesus Saves Ministry On Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy

9iODQwYjM4L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

I am doing better and I am going to enjoy it❤️😊

Thank you so much for reading!❤️💜💗

I love you all!💗

-xoxo Caty❤️💜💖💗

Daily life

Back in college and still depressed

Hey everyone❤️

So last week I started back at college. I am in my sophomore year in college. All my friends that graduated with me are in their junior year of college but I have had to take college slower due to getting diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

But anyways school is going good. This semester I am taking English and Math. So far I am really enjoying it. My classes are both on campus so I have been going somewhere everyday now. Which has been hard on my fibromyalgia.

For those of you who don’t know my major is in English and Technology Writing. I love writing books and my day job when I graduate college will be to work as a technological writer for a company.

But back to how I am doing.

I am still really depressed. I don’t feel depressed at school which is really good. But everyday I come home from school I feel depressed.

I just feel so down and empty.

I try to not think about how depressed I am by playing on my phone.

But everyday I just feel so depressed.

I can’t run from it or hide from it.

I just face it and deal with it.

I’m not okay. It’s okay not to be okay.❤️

My physical pain from fibromyalgia is doing good. It’s been really hard getting up and going to school everyday. Some days I hurt REALLY bad but I go to school anyways.

My pain is not gone but it’s managed. It’s SO much better so I can’t complain.

Even though I am depressed, I am making it. Everyday I am hanging in there.❤️

Being depressed isn’t easy but I am still living my life despite it.❤️

I will just keep going and I hope you will too❤️

***

Thank you so much for reading!❤️

I love you so much❤️

-xoxo Caty❤️

Daily life

Amazing News!😱❤️

Hey everyone! I have some amazing news!😱

So yesterday I went to another rheumatologist that I have been waiting all summer to see. He is ACTUALLY going to HELP ME!!!😱😱😱😍😍❤️❤️❤️

I FINALLY found a doctor after two years of searching!!😍💜

He believes I have fibromyalgia so he put me on some new medicines and that medicine has already started to help💖💜

He also believes I have sleep apnea so he is setting up for me to have a sleep study done to see if I do have it.

He doesn’t believe I have any form of arthritis and he thinks I just have fibromyalgia.

He has taken my case and I am so happy about that!☀️💜

After two years and going through six other rheumatologists, but finally I have answers and a doctor who cares about me!😍💜

I am already feeling better pain wise today. My pain has been better and my mood is much better. I feel like a whole new person now that I am not in much pain. I still have pain but it’s sooo much better❤️

Thank you so much for reading and for all your support throughout these six years I have been blogging. You all are amazing and I love you so much❤️💜💖

-xoxo Caty❤️💜💖☀️